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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29195097">your lips, my lips, apocalypse (sfw)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lockheartss/pseuds/lockheartss'>lockheartss</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Making Out, hints of suicide, takes place during s3 e12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:35:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,115</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29195097</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lockheartss/pseuds/lockheartss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>taking place in s3 e12, buffy needs a ride home from cordelia. what she doesn’t know, is that this would change the way they both viewed the other forever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cordelia Chase &amp; Buffy Summers, Cordelia Chase/Buffy Summers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>your lips, my lips, apocalypse (sfw)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is a sfw version of the main fic, which is found here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29195010</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Cordelia, could you please drive me home?” Buffy whimpered, her eyes swollen from crying and her hair a ragged mess.  She knew that deep down, the brunette didn’t really want to help her.  She knew she’d rather be off somewhere else, probably partying far away and trying to push off the fact she needs to study for her test.</p><p>There was a moment of silence — almost deafening silence.  The whole library was quiet, and filled with tension.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>Cordelias face relaxed into a concerned position.  She wasn’t quite sure what really was going on, but she did know that it wasn’t some sick joke that Giles and Buffy were playing on each other. </p><p>The blonde took one final glance at her watcher and headed towards the library double doors, with Cordelia not far behind her.  The school was empty, and the doors shut with an echo.  </p><p>None of them really knew what to say to each other.  Buffy was trembling and sniffing, rubbing her eyes with her sleeves and walking slow and weak through the halls.  Cordelia slowed her pace so they could walk beside one another; it was the least she could do since she didn’t want to have any physical touch.</p><p>The air outside was cold, and dry.  The fact that their town wasn’t big helped the stars show up in the dark night above them.  The cold made Buffy feel weaker, more prone to disaster, but thankfully just seeing Cordelias familiar car a few steps away helped her gain the energy to walk just a little bit farther.</p><p>Cordelia walked ahead, getting the car door for Buffy.  There was whispered gratitude between them, along with the car door closing softly behind Buffy’s entrance.  Cordelia wasted no time getting in the drivers seat, and turning on the heat to hopefully make her passenger feel a little bit better.</p><p>The car engine started, and Cordelia started to drive out of the lot without hesitation.  It was already night, so they weren’t crowded on the small roads.</p><p>After a few minutes of silence, it occurred to her that she didn’t know where the hell they were going.  All she knew, is that they both wanted to get the hell out of dodge.</p><p>“Uh—“ She turned her head towards the sickly girl next to her.  “Can you tell me where to go?” </p><p>Buffy grunted as she adjusted herself in the seat, looking straight onto the road ahead.  “Mhm, you go straight here and.. you take a right there.” She pointed to an upcoming intersection.</p><p>Cordelia followed the instructions given, however, she was kind of getting tired of the car being just silence and gravel hitting the wheels.  </p><p>She cleared her throat and tried to make her voice softer.  “So, can you tell me what happened back there?”</p><p>Buffy looked at her with a blank face, making Cordelia stutter and trip over her words a bit.  “Y’know.. you and Giles?  Why you look like you’ve been to the mouth of hell and back?”</p><p>Buffy adverted her eyes down to her lap, nervously fumbling her hands.  “He took my powers.” She said lowly. </p><p>It kind of stunned the brunette, but at the same time she kind of already knew.  She parted her lips to ask why, but Buffy had already continued to answer the question she was going to ask.</p><p>“He wanted to test me.  He wanted to hurt me,” she choked out.  “And quite frankly, I’m not sure if he wants me alive.”</p><p>“Turn right again, up here.”  Buffy said like it was nothing.</p><p>Cordelia took the turn, but was stunned.  Out of all the things she had expected her to say, it wasn’t that.  At all.  She wanted to yell at Buffy for almost making her stop the car dead in its tracks, but she refrained for once.</p><p>“I— Uh..” She was looking for the words to say, and she could feel the blondes eyes on her.  </p><p>Buffy got tired of waiting for her.  She had been through too much today.  She continued spilling her thoughts to the last person she thought she would spill them to.</p><p>“I’m not happy, Cordy.  I haven’t been happy in awhile.  I’m lost, I’m alone, I feel so broken.” Buffy started to sniffle again and her voice started to crack.</p><p>“I don’t understand why he’d do that to me.  I don’t understand.”  She started to sob again, just like earlier with Giles.  But this time, it was different.  It was in front of one of the meanest girls she knew.</p><p>Cordelia hesitantly took her right hand off the steering wheel to place it upon Buffy’s shoulder, rubbing soft circles to try and comfort the girl.  She gripped the wheel tightly with her other hand, careful not to let the car drift while she comforted her.  </p><p>Cordelia wasn’t one to give advice.  She hadn’t really dealt with her own emotions herself, so who was she to try and fix someone else?  She figured she’d just let Buffy cry it out, pray that everything would fix itself.</p><p>But it didn’t.  Buffy still had tears swelling in her eyes.  Her cheeks were flushed, and the poor girl could barely catch her breath.</p><p>Thankfully, Cordelia noticed a small opening in a forest clearing up ahead.  She pulled in with her car, and put it in park just below the moonlight above them. </p><p>Buffy looked at her almost immediately, frantically.  “Cordy, I can’t do this anymore.”  Buffy thought long and hard about what she was about to say, and decided she couldn’t hold it back anymore.  “I feel like nobody wants me here anymore.”</p><p>Cordelia was shocked, Buffy was certainly one of the strongest people she knew, even if she did give her shit a lot.  Seeing her at such a vulnerable point felt almost wrong.</p><p>“Buffy,” Cordelia took the blondes hands into her own.  She could feel the dried tears on her palms, but she didn’t care.  “I want you here.  Willow wants you here, Xander wants you here.  We all care about you.”</p><p>“But what if you’re wrong?  What if they don’t like me, what if it’s a front?”  Buffy gripped her hands in concern, awaiting an answer from the brunette.</p><p>“Even if they don’t want you here, I want you here, Buff.”</p><p>Buffy would have normally snapped back for her using such a cheesy nickname, but in that moment she was more confused on what Cordelia was saying.  She wanted her here?  Since when?</p><p>“Buffy, listen to me,”  She held eye contact with the girl in front of her, noticing her tears starting to go away at Cordelias attempt to comfort.  “I know I poke fun at you.  I know I’m mean.  I know I’m just a prissy, popular girl, but I care about you.”</p><p>It hurt Cordelia.  It hurt her bad, knowing the girl in front of her couldn’t stand to be alive anymore.  It was painful.</p><p>“Buffy, I..”</p><p>Buffy raised an eyebrow in response, watching Cordelia bite her lip and avert her gaze before returning back to her eyes for what she was about to say.</p><p>“I love you, Buffy.  I really, really love you.”</p><p>It shocked them both, but probably more Cordelia, due to the fact she even admitted that.  She always told herself it’d be a secret she took to her grave, unless Buffy herself had made the first move.</p><p>But, seeing Buffy so vulnerable, so lonely and broken set something off inside of her.  The desire to show her that at least one person loved her, at least one person cared for her, wanted her here.</p><p>Buffy’s smile spread across her face.  Cordelia could tell she was still hurting, that this obviously didn’t make all the mental, or physical pain go away, but it did something.  And that little something was all that mattered.</p><p>“You— You love me?”  Buffy didn’t care how stupid she looked, she was happy.  She did hesitate for a quick second, though.</p><p>“Wait, like, love-love?” She stared intently at Cordelia once more, almost pleading for an answers with her watery blue eyes. </p><p>“Yes, love-love.”  Cordelia started to smile herself, her signature smile that made Buffy even attracted to her in the first place.  </p><p>“Oh my God.” Buffy was breathless and sat back in the seat.  Cordelia was actually scared she did something wrong, before Buffy started laughing in her seat. </p><p>“I didn’t know how to tell you,” Buffy said.  “I always assumed you’d laugh in my face, call me a freak.”</p><p>Cordelia gently bit her lip.  “That does sound a lot like me, actually.”</p><p>Cordelia laughed a bit herself at the whole scenario, how it played out.  How everything in their lives had come to this moment.  </p><p>“I think I fell for you the day you saved me from my fate with the invisible ghost who tried to practically skin me alive.” Cordelia admitted.</p><p>“You never had to do that for me.  You could have just left me, you know.” She continued.</p><p>“I know.”  Buffy chimed in.</p><p>She turned her head to Cordelia again.  “But what kind of person would I have been?”</p><p>Cordelia smiled once more, before wanting to get all serious again.  “I hope you know I don’t think you’re broken.  I think you’re hurt, sure, and for good reasons.  But, I don’t think you’re broken.”</p><p>It kind of caught Buffy by surprise.  “What makes you say that?”  She gestured to her messy hair and makeup, along with the small cuts and bruises on her face.  “Just take a look at me.”</p><p>“Buffy,” Cordelia thought about her words carefully.  “Even if you were broken, I’d love every single broken piece of you.”</p><p>Buffy stared at her.  Her doe eyes in the moonlight, and the way her lips moved with every word.  </p><p>“I think you’re beautiful, Buff, inside and out.  I don’t think I could ever change that.”</p><p>“Cordy,” Buffy licked her lips subtly and quickly.  “I want to kiss you.”</p><p>Cordelia wanted it too, she wanted it so bad.  She wanted the feeling of their lips against each other, the heavy breathing, the hands tangled and pulling each other’s hair.  She needed it.</p><p>But as soon as Buffy leaned in for the kiss, Cordelia put her hands up in front of her, keeping her just inches away from her lips.  </p><p>“Buffy, are you sure you want this?”</p><p>Buffy looked up at her, almost saddened again.  “Of course I want it.  I’ve wanted it for so long.”</p><p>Cordelia looked down at her.  “But you’ve been crying, and look at you, you’re hurt.  You’re in pain.”</p><p>“I feel better now,” Buffy protested.  “I was crying because I didn’t feel like I belonged, but now I do.  I found my place.  It’s with you.”</p><p>Cordelia looked a bit hesitant still before Buffy continued. </p><p>“I’m only in physical pain.   My body just aches.  I’ll be fine, I’ll tell you if it hurts.” Buffy leaned in a bit closer to Cordelias lips.  “I promise.”</p><p>That was enough for the brunette, before she sealed the distance between them and gave a soft, hesitant kiss to the blonde.  Even after crying, her lips tasted so sweet.</p><p>The kiss deepened, each one wanting more and more, letting out the tension they carried for years.  After awhile, their kisses weren’t soft and hesitant anymore.  They were greedy, rough, each one trying so desperately to take everything the other had to offer.  Soft moans escaped both of them, which would trigger a moan from the other.</p><p>They broke away after what seemed like hours just to get some air.  The atmosphere around them was heavy, both of them panting down the others neck.  They didn’t want it to end.</p><p>Cordelia felt so happy, so at peace, like nothing mattered but them in that moment.  She knew how much it showed, how much Buffy would tease her about it in the future, but she didn’t care anymore.  She loved her. </p><p>After the soft kisses and appreciation of the others body, Cordelia realized they had places to be.   </p><p>“Oh, crap!  Buffy, you need to get home!” She quickly got off Buffy’s lap and made her way back to a suitable driving position and drove Buffy the rest of the distance, which surprisingly was just a few more streets away.</p><p>Buffy looked much better now, less tired and sad and more determined to fix herself.  Cordelia and her exchanged their goodbyes and their parting kisses, and Buffy started her leave.  </p><p>Just before Buffy closed the car door, Cordelia shouted out at her.  </p><p>“Buffy?”</p><p>Buffy looked back inside the car, and let out a soft “Yeah?”</p><p>Cordelia admired her once more.  “Be careful out there.  I love you.”</p><p>Buffy smiled.  “I love you, too.”</p>
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